identity crisis

I just pruned my Bloglines. I am now down from eighty to about fifty feeds.

Many of these survivors are people who rarely post anymore; but I would have felt like a traitor if I had’ve pressed the little trashcan icon on them. 

I felt brutal enough as it was.

The blogging world is a funny, political place. Especially, I guess, when it’s a community tied together with like issues the way the IF blogosphere is.

I remember soon after I started my blog, searching people’s link lists and looking at blog after blog, commenting if I had something to say. I would do this for hours, literally. If they came over to comment on my blog, I would comment back. And thus it began.

I collected almost a hundred feeds this way. I say feeds; I mean friends.

At some point, I realised enough was enough. I stopped responding to new commenters on my site unless they came back a few times, and rarely took on new blogs – unless the writing really, really captured me. I gave up on fiddling with my sidebar and left it as it was. I unsubscribed to all those uber-IF-bloggers-who-shall-not-be-named, figuring they had enough readers; they didn’t need my support too.

Thank you to those of you who persisted with me anyway.

It’s funny – I’m only a couple of months off my two-year blogoversary now (Does a blogoversary re-set if you change sites? Hmm…) and almost all of the people who were on my hundred-feed Bloglines account have either gotten pregnant, are in the process of adoption, or have had a child and stopped blogging.

Most commonly the latter. And that’s great, of course. It’s what we want to see.

However, the stats at my old blog fell lower and lower the more I obsessed about breastfeeding, until I really only had my trustiest of buds visiting, and the many people who googled their way into my 12 week ultrasound photo.

I suppose the transitory nature of our subject matter does that. It gets harder and harder for people to visit as they have more and more treatments. I get that. I’ve even had one or two sideways confrontations about it over time.

But I feel kind of good about being here now, ready to redefine myself as something other than an infertility blogger.

I just don’t know what.

I don’t know whose links to peruse.


12 Responses to “identity crisis”

  1. sky girl Says:

    So true eh? I, too, have stayed away from uber sites. Not because they don’t have anything to offer just because I prefer more of a blogging relationship.

    My readership has dropped drastically since Chicka. Sometimes I find that difficult to understand but then again, pain and suffering draws more interest. Happiness can be dull. 🙂

    Anyway, I’m a diehard Meg fan. Always will be.


  2. thalya Says:

    Me too. But I haven’t pruned yet, I have just over 300 feeds in my bloglines, of which about 30 are food blogs where I never comment, and 5 are work related. The rest are all infertility blogs. I have made a rule not to add new ones where people are just starting clomid etc., and I don’t add ones where the writing annoys me, although I do sometimes browse people’s links to see the new people who are joining the community. I don’t know where to go with this as I don’t want to desert people, no matter where they are on the journey, and I do still feel bad not returning comments, it makes me seem like an uber-blogger, which is not how I feel.

    Not very helpful comment, just saying I hear you, sister.

  3. electriclady Says:

    To-tal-ly. I feel guilty about not adding new IF blogs to my reading, especially because I remember how heartening it was when vets would come comment on my blog. On the other hand, the community is so huge now that there’s more than enough new bloggers to take our places.

  4. Bea Says:

    Maybe now’s that chance to formulate a superhero identity. You know, the chance you’ve been waiting for all this time. What would your superpower be?

    (Fuck, I just realised how much of a geek that made me sound. I’m happy to own the label to a certain extent, but not that extreme.)

    So, um. I’m sure you’ll sort it out, but it is a transition, definitely.


  5. My Reality Says:

    I am trying to figure out a way to trim my bloglines down. Keeping up with blogs can be a chore sometimes.

    You will find your new groove soon.

  6. Sam Says:

    I think a blogoversary is about YOU as opposed to your specific site. Maybe? I don’t know.

  7. DD Says:

    I made several cuts as well. 190+ to 150 but now I’m back up again to 159. However the new blogs are not infertility or parenting. Included in my cuts were all of the “uber” popular IF bloggers. I’m in a situation now where I need my close and supportive friends. I cannot be expected to be of much support to those who have more than they know what to do with, much less acknowledge.

  8. Becky Says:

    It’s hard to find your space, sometmes. I had to move on to greener pastures and leave my old space after awhile. It felt freeing, to say the least.

    I hope that it finds you as free as I now feel in my “new house.”

  9. amanda Says:

    I definitely understand. I haven’t been adding new blogs to my Bloglines as I can barely keep up as is, and the days of going through my comments to see if anyone new is coming around are long gone. I just don’t have time.

    I’m glad you’ve got a new home now where you feel more comfortable. Good luck proceeding from here.

  10. Brandy Says:

    How to decide? I’ve thought about seriously weaning my list down too. I have quite a few I read but a select few that I check absolutely every day. Good luck with finding that new identity in your new home! 🙂

  11. Wordgirl Says:

    Anyone who loves Joni Mitchell and hates the patriarchy is my kind of gal.

    I just found my way to your site; I always love what seems like a new discovery.

    My blog is only months old — and I had no idea how to begin — or who to link to — and I began linking to a few — but then they stopped blogging and you’re faced with this dilemma — do they stay? Or what about the blog you were compelled by — but then…and how does one prune? And then I stopped adding but continued reading…

    *sigh* I’m still figuring it out.

    You’ve inspired me to clean a little blog-house though!


  12. Sam Says:

    What? Protected? Against what? Argh! I am so confused. Slip me the password, I’ll never tell! (Might be wise to say that I am talking about the next post)

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