feeling a tad maudlin today…

Dear Buddha Baby,

A couple of days ago, you turned ten months. Today is not a milestone day. It’s the day before the day before the end of the year you were born. Nothing more.

But today, something feels different; I feel like I have seen the end of your infancy.

It wasn’t anything spectacular. You have started crawling, babbling, pulling up to a stand. You have two teeth. All wonderful, all familiar.

It wasn’t these things.

But in the glimpse of your long body in my arms in the full-length mirror, in the sleepy suck of what I feel you really do want to be one of your last breastfeeds, in the way you work so hard, so independently, to tap your spoon in the bowl of mashed pasta, I felt your babyhood slip away from me.

And it’s sad, though it’s as it should be; the natural order. It’s the end of something. You will never need me like this again. Every day, every moment, you move further into your own life. And it’s a long way away — but it’s there, off in One Day.

Sometimes it feels as if the reason we have children is to give them away to the world.

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6 Responses to “feeling a tad maudlin today…”

  1. sky girl Says:

    Oh Meg. What a touching post.

    xo

  2. My Reality Says:

    He will always need you.

  3. Becky Says:

    I feel the same way about Alex. Christmas struck a chord with me like that and I haven’t yet shaken that feeling.

    He will need you, just as Alex will always need me, but just in different ways.

  4. Bea Says:

    Bittersweet. The natural order kind of bites sometimes.

    Bea

  5. beagle Says:

    Beautiful post. I get so fixated on the “wanting a baby” that I forget (almost) that that baby will also be a toddler, a child, a teenager and an adult. The best parent readies their child to leave. That is such a bittersweet fact.

    Though I agree with My Reality also. . . he will always be your baby in your heart and he will always need you on some level, even when he’s taller than you.

  6. projgen Says:

    That *is* our job – to give our children away to the world. To teach them as best as possible how to be good adults, how to contribute to the bettering of this world.

    Doesn’t make it any easier, though.

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