wazzup

How have I been, Thalia asks.

I answer: Good.

Except when I haven’t been.

The last couple of months have been intense. I am out the other side of the worst of it, and battling through with good(ish) time management, but yes, it hasn’t always been fun.

Highlights of the last two (TWO!) months include:

1. Trying to complete long and incredibly boring assignments in the two hour gap between putting BB to bed and collapsing into bed myself.

2. Dealing with a boss who sometimes seems to be virtually a workplace psychopath, and with whom I have a soul-crushing love/hate relationship with.

3. Facing my 13-years high school reunion (I know, a rather arbitrary anniversary, isn’t it?)

4. Going a little bit crazy and actually having to google “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” and face the fact that in a crisis, on a bad day, it is more than eccentricity. Mental health assessment with GP ensued. Referral to clinical psychologist occured. Awaiting appointment. Feeling better.

5. Realising I was tired of cataloguing books and feeling like a piece of shit about not writing. Fear of never writing a book at all starting to be worse than fear of not being able to finish one. Have commenced work on first novel, and am chipping away slow sentence by slow sentence. Trying not to be overly critical of my work, but not succeeding one little bit.

6. Finding myself needing to be reminded of the reasons that I only wanted one child as well as why it is risky and impractical and traumatic to try for another considering huge risk of another placental abruption even if IVF did randomly work again and knowledge that outcome of abruption is likely not to be so positive a second time. Husband completely resistant to idea, also, and will never bend on that. But still feeling twinges of pain on being asked (frequently) when I am going to have another and jealousy on hearing two second-pregnancy announcements in my mother’s group.

7. Quitting smoking again. Yay for me.

8. Delighting in BB, who is now very close to walking and talking. Words we have currently: woof, ta,  and hello.

So that is me.

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14 Responses to “wazzup”

  1. DD Says:

    Yay! Indeed for the smoking cessation. I was just thinking about you and “that” the other day.

    And of course, yay! on the walking and talking since that alone is a good enough excuse to take some time away from blogging. Busy, busy, baby.

    I’ve been thinking about you and glad to see that you have updated. Now if I could just get a Meg fix a little more frequently, but I can’t complain.

  2. sky girl Says:

    Meg, my friend. How I’ve missed you.

    Chicka is taking her first few tentative steps. Yay! Also, says woof woff when asked what a doggie says. I worry that she should have a couple more words by now other than a mamamamama or dadadadada or a “ha baabee” (which means “hi baby”. What do you think? Am I over worrying? With the late-ish walking, I’m not so worried but the talking makes me a little concerned.

  3. Anita Says:

    Hi Meg! I missed you. I was getting a bit worried.

    Yay for the quitting. Good for you. I still haven’t made it to that point yet and haven’t filled my prescription. G is still nursing twice a day and I keep telling myself that once he’s done I’ll get it.

  4. thalya Says:

    Oh i’m so impressed by the quitting, well done! And by your little man’s achievements. Very impressive.

    re the second baby, I get where you’re coming from. Is it really so definite that you would have another abruption? I don’t know the medical background here. But I guess if your other half is utterly opposed then that’s the end of that.

    So very glad to hear from you, and glad you’re feeling better. Hang in there.

  5. Becky Says:

    Oh, I’m happy that you’re back. I hope that things start to really improve for the better soon.

  6. samsstories Says:

    You ARE alive. Wonderful, I am happy to see you out and about on the innernets. Keep up the not smoking. I will celebrate three years next month!! You could post more often, you know. All that work and mommying stuff is getting in the way of my enjoyment. 🙂

  7. Summer Says:

    So good to hear from you! Thanks for all the updates.

  8. My Reality Says:

    It is good to hear from you! Congrats on quitting smoking again.

    Tell BB I say “woof.” 🙂

  9. ll Says:

    grrrr…. second baby questions suck…. I get them at least once a week at the moment

    happy to read you again.

  10. beagle Says:

    Congrats on kicking the cigs!
    Good you’re OK, if not great yet.
    Life can be hard.
    Why?

    Oh and . . .
    Kick that boss in the shins.

  11. Erin Says:

    Thanks for letting me know where your blog was again! Congrats on stopping smoking–I’ve heard how incredibly tough it is and know that it’s a BIG deal to do it! And I second Beagle’s last statement.

  12. Bugsy Says:

    Is it because of the full moon that we all seem to have various mental health issues? I am also considering getting some help as i realised today i have all the classic signs of depression. I think when it gets to the point where your problems fill your every waking thought and there is no relief from the internal voices all screaming in your head at once, that it is time for help. So good on you love for seeking help (you have been braver than i have). Very good that you have quit smoking (again – sigh – i know – lets just say that this is the last time you are going to tell us this lol. My brother used to say he was really good at quitting smoking – he did it every day lol). ok better go. my own bb is in need of a mummy hug by the sounds of it.

  13. Pam/Wordgirl Says:

    “Realising I was tired of cataloguing books and feeling like a piece of shit about not writing. Fear of never writing a book at all starting to be worse than fear of not being able to finish one. Have commenced work on first novel, and am chipping away slow sentence by slow sentence. Trying not to be overly critical of my work, but not succeeding one little bit.”

    OH MY GOD — ARE you me? Really Meg, how did your new blog slip through the cracks? I remember your beautiful old blog — and somehow I didn’t realize how much we had in common. I’d love to commune on writing things someday…

    Hi.

    Pam

  14. Unwaveringly Says:

    Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation 🙂 Anyway … nice blog to visit.

    cheers, Unwaveringly.

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