Quickly, becasue I am visiting my step-kids and yet, things must come out.
My sister called this morning. She is pregnant. With an eight month old. And post-natal depression.
She said to me: “I’m not used to the idea”.
What my mother told me she’s saying: “I cannot keep this baby”.
I know it is not my decision to make. I know I can’t say anything to her. That she will do what is right for her, and she will have good reasons for it. And it will not be something she will take lightly. She is a natural mother, my sister – one of those rare kinds of mothers.
But I cannot help the infertile in me, the one put down the phone and went to the bathroom and shut the door. Who put her hands over her face and wept silently, violently, and like a child.
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December 24, 2008 at 8:19 am |
I think the infertile part of me/(us?) remains vulnerable to some really strong emotions. I, for instance, am leaving this reply at 2am because I’m overwrought with trying to make up for the last 6 Christmas’s without a child.
These words, “and wept silently, violently, and like a child.” hit home for me. It just never goes away completely does it? I find it strange and kind of scary that I can be so wrapped up in motherhood one minute and grieving my infertility in the depths of my soul the next.
I’m sad that you are in this situation. Take care of yourself
December 24, 2008 at 3:57 pm |
We want what we cannot have and other have what they do not want. At least it seems to feel like that when infertility becomes part of our make-up.
I’m thinking of you, Meg.
December 24, 2008 at 4:36 pm |
Oh, sweetie. *hugs*
I’m sorry, my friend.
December 24, 2008 at 8:20 pm |
Fuuuuuuck. I’m so sorry.
December 24, 2008 at 9:47 pm |
Oh dear. I’m sure I would be locked in a bathroom too.
December 24, 2008 at 9:48 pm |
damn wordpress.
That was me, beagle.
December 25, 2008 at 2:26 am |
What an impossibly tough situation. I would also be doing the same thing if I were in your shoes.
December 26, 2008 at 9:38 pm |
I would have had the same reaction.
…thinking of you.
December 28, 2008 at 9:42 am |
we all know just how you feel. It’s tough, very very tough.
December 30, 2008 at 1:20 am |
Sigh. I hope you are feeling a bit better about the news.
January 2, 2009 at 2:31 am |
I understand what you mean.
Bea
January 3, 2009 at 10:06 pm |
Oh honey, I would cry as well. That poor, unborn baby. A life ended before it even began. My heart just breaks. ((((HUGS))))
January 5, 2009 at 6:03 pm |
That’s a hard place to be in. I can remember being there over and over again both while TTC and after having my own surprise baby girl. I’m late seeing this post but I do want you to know you’re not alone.