I’m not really sure what I’m doing here. It’s stupid o’clock, and I let myself nap for three hours around dinner-time and here I am.

Oh my girls, those of you who still have me in your feeds – or moreover – who still even check their readers (I don’t), how to begin to explain the journey of the last couple of years? Some of you are my friends on Facebook, so you know at least, that I survived.

And thrived.

Have you ever had to completely let go of everything?

It happens sometimes in life, I think. Something happens to rock the foundations of the faulty life you’ve built, and everything comes toppling over… every assumption you’ve made, every wrong choice, everything you believe about yourself and others.

But you see the truth, you know? You see what’s no longer adequate or right. And you rebuild yourself and your life, stronger and realer, and more beautiful, too.

I left my husband, as you know. It was messy. We both behaved abhorrently, though I maintain he started it, because it was the way he behaved afterwards – in his grief and anger, and most of all with a crushed ego – that started the sorry saga. I won’t bore you with the details – you’ve heard the same stories before, I bet: abusive emails, custody shit, restraining orders, mediation, blah blah blah… Needless to say, we don’t like each other very much anymore, though we are getting better at managing it for Jas’ sake (or T is, which was the main problem for me, really.)

And then, I guess, I had some kind of breakdown.

Now, I’ve always been a bit nutty (For example, who needs to breastfeed that badly? Someone with massive anxiety issues, that’s who) but the events following our separation took me past the point of control. I’ve had to come to terms with my mental health issues in a big way. It was really scary sometimes. I don’t have a clear diagnosis yet, but I do believe there were moments there when I was literally manic, and some where I was a bit psychotic too.  For real, I mean, not in the colloquial sense.

I’m being treated now, with medication/psychiatrist/psychologist/etc. and I’m coming good. But I wasn’t able to work, and I am still not able to teach. I doubt I ever will be, even if I had the inclination. So yeah, massive financial strife, of course – and via my impending personal bankruptcy, a goodbye to the enormous debts I incurred in a decade of being the family breadwinner with a not-so-big income. But then, I had no real assets to lose, certainly not a house or anything, and it’s somewhat of a relief to be able to “start fresh”.

And also, I found True Love.

He was there all along, actually. A friend. We were never single at the same time, though, until a year ago – even in our early 20s when we met. It started as a secret amusement – I’d had my first post-breakup “fling” and had rediscovered sex. He was convenient, and trusted. And a hottie, always.

It became quickly obvious that there was something magical, something spectacular, there – but we stayed in denial for the longest time, feigning “friends with benefits”, then “casual relationship”, then “open relationship”. All rather gruelling for both of us really, but we were scared.

T. found out, of course. Things got really ugly for a while.

Still, we made it through all of it. And Jas and I moved into his place a few months ago.

And it’s wonderful. It’s like everything I always wanted but never thought was real. It’s like a rom-com, it’s like Paul & Linda McCartney, it’s Greek mythology. The man is The One. It’s perfect. Not he or I… but IT – whatever IT is that we make when we come together. Which, we are hoping, will be a baby very very soon.

So yes. Vomit, vomit. Love love love. My Twin Soul, The Love of my Life, My Best Friend… spew spew retch ad finitum.

(Except true.)

You can ask questions now.

Heh.

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

11 Responses to “”

  1. thalia Says:

    Wow. that’s a lot of change for one blog post. I am so glad you have found such happiness after such a difficult time. I envy you having found the ‘one’ – not sure that is ever on the cards for me!

    Good to hear from you.

  2. sky Says:

    Well, shit! This is why I don’t delete dormant feeds. Cause then I would miss this. 🙂 Sounds like things are going swimmingly and I’m so glad.

    I don’t write anymore either but I still read. For treasures such as this.

    xoxo

  3. Meg Says:

    actually Meg……it’s YOU who are the one xxxx

  4. Meg Says:

    ooops didn’t realise the computer had left you logged in……heheh

  5. Summer Says:

    As Sky said, this is the reason I never delete anyone on my reader! Even those people I’m friends with on FB because, this kind of stuff, never makes it onto FB! I had an inkling you were in a better place but this is even better than I thought.

    And were those 2 previous comments from True Love?! How sweet!

  6. Wordgirl Says:

    Meg — I am so beyond happy for you. I think sometimes the life we’re meant to lead comes to us when we completely let go of the old one.

    Love to you!

    oxx

    Pam

  7. Yo-yo Mama Says:

    Ah, yes. The beauty of a long-overdue update. As long as the feed is still connected to a site, I keep it in my reader!

    I’m happy for you, Meg!

    So for questions: does this mean you are expecting now or that you will be trying soon?

    (BTW, this is DD)

  8. Lut C. Says:

    You talked about your breakup here once. Sorry to hear that it’s been so difficult.

    You must be serious if you’ve given True Love your blog address. 😉

  9. Bea Says:

    That’s one hell of an update. Good to hear from you (both- hi there true love!)

    Bea

  10. electriclady Says:

    So good to hear from you and good to hear you so happy. I had inklings on FB but didn’t know the extent of what you went through to get where you are now.

  11. MsPrufrock Says:

    Hellloooo! FB is handy for piecing things together, but it doesn’t give all the background and fill in the gaps for us so I’m glad you have posted. I’m glad to hear that you’re so happy – you deserve it completely. Also, he is hot. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s