Archive for the ‘Soapboxin’ Away’ Category

my comebacks are all planned

November 29, 2007

Thursday. Mothers Group day.

Today I told the others about Buddha Baby’s recent spat of midnight mummy-torture. About how I have been taking him into our bed and feeding him back to sleep.

No one said anything, but I saw the double takes curling round the room.

And I don’t get it.

There’s usually a lot of talk at Mother’s Group about what “they” say: They say you should scale the texture of solid food up quickly. They say that your marriage should come before your baby (this one is entirely bizarre to me). They say you shouldn’t swaddle them after three months… etc. etc.

And there’s no questioning of it.

This “they” word, it seriously gets my hackels up. I don’t like being told how to do things. It’s adolescent, no doubt, but my compulsion is always to do the opposite of what any well-meaning-but-not-necessarily-right authority figure tells me to do.

Upshot is: I. Will. Not. Make. Him. Cry. It. Out.

I won’t do it.

See, I don’t think that it teaches babies to sleep. I think it teaches them that their mother won’t fulfill their needs. I think it teaches them to give up, that there’s no point in communicating in the only way they are able.

I’ve said this to a few people. And their response has generally been something to the effect of: You’ll regret it. You need to get on top of him now. Don’t let him get away with it.

In my opinion, this assumes that babies are manipulative creatures. Which is absurd. It also assumes that babies are little creatures that ought to be controlled like an aggressive dog, rather than little human beings with rights of their own. I don’t think it’s my job to get on top of anyone else, let alone my own child.

The other thing that CIO assumes is that aside from hunger, cold, sickness, and any other physical discomfort, there is no valid reason for night-waking. That “wanting to be close to mum” is not a valid reason.

But I think it is. It is a need too; it’s just an emotional need rather than a physical one. And we all know what happens to babies whose emotional needs aren’t met.

(Well, we don’t. But I’m sure it’s not nice.)

And besides. It’s such a small amount of time that he’s going to need me like this; that I’m going to be able to provide this kind of comfort.

Why would I want to speed his growing up any more than it already is?